and there it goes

i am referring to time when i write the title of my blog. every day i would tell myself, "you'll write tomorrow because there's no time today.... yadda yadda yadda." i lied. i never wrote! shame on me, for real.

today was my three year anniversary. i forgot. i whole heartedly forgot my own damn anniversary. we didn't do anything extraordinary or amazing. he bought me nachos and junior mints and we went and saw julie and julia. and i loved it. because i love to write and i love to cook and i love to eat.

i'm going to do something to effect of julie powell. i'm going to cook my way through someone's (not too sure who, yet) cookbook and blog about it. because i have opinions, tastebuds, and don't know how to hold my tongue.

bon appetit!

In her own marriage, Lucy had always felt like she was a prisoner of war. Often times she felt guilty about her constant feelings of entrapment since she figured most women must have, at some point, felt the same sort of imprisonment she did. A shrew in captivity is what her husband summed her up as. Her temper and often abrupt mood swings and tantrums were the real reason she felt as trapped as she did. Here she was, throwing herself out there for some sort of attention and all she got was a threat to have her eye blackened and a hasty trip to her shrink.



... it's not a lot so far, but it's coming along. i feel like lucy might actually be that one character that can most woman can relate to. at least, i'm hoping that's what she'll be.

"Be a little more easy on your Father." My mom says as we're driving to the Hyundai dealership to get her car back. It's a terrible day outside. Slick and rainy and wet. And gross. I woke up at 12pm today and didn't go to class because I was up all night playing the new World of Warcraft expansion. Not like I could really do anything extraordinary in the game anyway. Fucking noob.

I'm wearing my red sailor coat that I really shouldn't have worn. It's big and bulky and I know when I have to drive home it's going to be so uncomfortable to turn the wheel in. Oh well. Mom misses the first turn into the dealership. Why is Middle Country Road so crowded at 2pm? Don't people have anything better to do than drive? I'm sure they have a destination and a probable reason for it but I'm just a really impatient driver. Whatever.

"Our computers are down.." is all I really hear the lady say at the counter. My mom tells the lady her name and she almost glares at my mother like she's going to burn her with her lazer eye vision. 'Oh, you're that woman that calls everyday.' She's saying it with her eyes. If there's one thing I really can't stand, it's someone faking kindness. But I guess if she was nasty, we'd complain and she would get fired. Which might benefit me because I could apply for her job and then every time she calls about her car I can just rub in how I stole her job because she was a stupid fat pig. The girl that helped us was cute, though.

I hate driving. I hate driving in the rain more. I hate driving in the rain when it's cold outside even more. I hate it more that grown ups are always right. "Yeah, you love it now, just wait." And sure enough, there I am saying it to the little scum teenagers who come into Pathmark.

Bethany Joy Galeotti has the best voice I've ever heard. She is awesome on One Tree Hill and her music is just.. amazing. Why doesn't she have a record deal. I wish I could start my own record label just so I could sign her. I'd be good at that.

Considering my future is up in the air. I should just become a hobo. I'm already halfway there.

If bad things have happened to you, does that make you a bad person? I'm starting to think there needs to be a reason as to why I'm making all the wrong choices. Something in my past that has triggered some little switch inside me to turn off my good decision making skills.

My dad doesn't want me to go to Culinary School. Says there's no future there. No way to make any money. He measures his happiness by money. I guess if he thinks he can't provide for us, it takes away a little piece of his dignity. I don't care if he has a million dollars or if we were living in a trailer in Kansas. He's still my dad. I just wish he would be a little bit more understanding. I'd like to think I'm understanding.

You know when you're little, all the adults explain stuff like, "it just happens that way" or "you're too little to understand"? I see why they say it. 'Cause if you knew everything then that you know now, you'd be a lot more burdened.

I saw "The Secret Life of Bees" tonight and cried throughout practically the whole thing. I love that book so much, the movie was equally as good, in my opinion. Poor May; carrying the weight of everything on her shoulders. She feels everyones pain and couldn't take it.

I don't want to break my Dad's heart again. I feel as though he is constantly disappointed in the person I've become and there is no way to redeem myself.

When is it time to stop hiding? I just want to come clean.